In this video from the PBS science series BrainCraft, creator and host Vanessa Hill explains where jealousy comes from and what we can do to work with this difficult emotion.
Why Do I Feel So Jealous?
Jealousy often arises when we sense a threat to a relationship, says Hill. As children, we grow jealous of our siblings when they gain our parent’s attention. As adults, we may feel jealous of a new person who captures the interest of our friend or partner. “It’s a constellation of emotions ranging from fear of loss and anxiety to anger, sadness, and humiliation,” Hill says. Jealousy can be genetic. One study from 2013 found that about a third of jealousy is determined by our genes. But personality factors, like having low self-esteem, can also determine whether we tend toward feelings of jealous or not. “It’s important to realize that jealousy itself is a normal reaction, and we shouldn’t feel ashamed about it,” Hill says. “It’s a wakeup call that there’s danger, forcing us to take steps to preserve a valued relationship.”
Jealousy’s Mind Traps
Hill says jealousy becomes problematic when it arises in imagined scenarios, which can cause us to make three major “cognitive mistakes” that lead us to misinterpret the truth: “It’s ok to feel jealous sometimes, but there’s a difference between controlling it and letting it control you,” Hill says.
Tame Jealous Feelings: A 3-Step Awareness Practice
Hill says we can avoid cognitive mistakes by noticing how jealousy affects our body and mind. Here are three steps you can take the next time you start to feel jealous:
